I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
