She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
