She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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