im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
