He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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