oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
