dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Dick very happy bro
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
