...so i touched it.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
