Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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