I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
