when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
