drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
