Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
