I want to stick my p in your. b.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
