I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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