2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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