He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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