I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I can't trust your balls anymore.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
