Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
