I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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