I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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