she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
