And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize