I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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