I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
