if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
