every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
