She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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