i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You made out with two different species that night
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
