I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I will pee on everything he values.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
