Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
