i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
