i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
