it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
