Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
