Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
