i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
