I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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