I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize