I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
