there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
