her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
