Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize