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this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
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