I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just found puke in my bra..
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
