At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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