I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My balls are so social today.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
