You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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