Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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