hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
