1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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