he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize