i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
