Pants 0. Shit 1.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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