i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
