Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
