As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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