Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
