then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
