if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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