I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
