Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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