it wasn't lemon gatorade
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
