I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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