as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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