Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
