tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize