What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
