So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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