She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize