I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Randomize
