it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
