well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize