Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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