"it" just moved
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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