you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
