BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
