You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
