i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
