I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
