ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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