Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
