So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
